Guilty

So I feel guilty. During my wait for Elizabeth, I had all these visions of how I would spend Mother's Day with her. My plan was to plant white lilies with her in remembrance of her birth mother. We would take the time to talk (age appropriate) about her first mother and I would be overcome with gratitude to this woman. Instead, I find I have no feelings at all toward this stranger - not love - not hate - not gratitude - nothing. The truth is that its just so hard for me to even image that Elizabeth wasn't mine always. I know that at some point I will have to invite her (at least the thought of her) into my home. We will discuss her and maybe then, when I know Elizabeth's feelings, I'll form my own. For now, I think I'll just put her on the back burner to simmer a while.

So how was Mother's Day. HA. Elizabeth greeted me with a big hug and "Happy Mother's Day" then proceeded to spend lots of time in the time out corner.

What I am grateful for is having a spirited daughter who never sits still, who is not quite, who is a drama queen, and who loves life! She and I are very lucky to have one another!! I'm also very lucky to have the women in my life that I look up to. Not all these woman are mothers, but have mothered me and given me love. So Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful women of my life.